Lily
So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia.
Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: “You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They’ll rob you blind. Don’t you go paying them what they ask. You haggle.”
At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, “That’ll be twenty dollars, lads.”
“Oh no, you don’t! My dad warned me about you. You’ll only be getting fifteen dollars from me,” says one of the men.
“And you’ll only be getting fifteen from me too,” adds the other.
Father O’Flannagan dies due to old age.
Upon entering St. Peter’s gate, there is another man in front of him in the queue waiting to go into heaven.
St. Peter asks the man, “What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?”.
The man responds “My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city taxi driver for 14 years”
“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord.”
St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks “What is your name and what did you accomplish?”
He responds, “I’m Father O’Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord.”
“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter.”
“Wait a minute,” says O’Flannagan, “You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?”
“Well,” St. Peter replied, “We work on a performance scale. While you preached, everyone slept, but when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!”