The British plane took off and as soon as the plane reached the altitude, the captain announced:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to flight 293, nonstop from London Heathrow to New York.
The weather is fine, so we should have an uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and … OH … MY GOD! ”
After a few minutes, the captain made another announcement:
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!”
An Irish passenger called:
“For the Luvva Jaysus … you should see my back!”
To Each Their Own Car…
Three guys are talking in a bar one day. They start talking about how their cars reflect their careers.
The first guy says, “I’m a pimp and so I drive a cheap Escort.”
The second guy says, “I’m a herpetologist and so I drive a Dodge Viper.”
The third guy says, “I’m a proctologist, and I drive a brown Probe.”