Lily
A blond becomes terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor.”
“No, from skipping everywhere.”
A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on.
She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut.
She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones.
The stylist replied refusing to cut her hair, so she left.
She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing.
This time, the stylist agreed to cut her hair.
After a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair.
To wake her, the stylist took off the headphones.
The blond immediately fell on the floor, flopped and died.
Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones.
They were saying: “breath in, breath out.”
The blonde wife came home from her first day commuting into the city.
Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, “Honey, are you feeling all right?”
“Not really,” she replied. “I’m nauseated from sitting backward on the train.”
“Poor dear,” he said. “Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?”
“I couldn’t,” she replied, “there was no one there.”