An old man goes to his doctor,
complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn’t heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor sees his leg, but can’t find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can’t come up with any possible explanation for the pain.
The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, “I’m sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there’s nothing I can do about it.”
The old man replies with a look of disbelief, “That’s impossible! That can’t be!”
The doctor says, “What do you mean? I’m the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it’s not old age?”
The patient answers, “I’m no doctor but it doesn’t take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly, you’re mistaken. After all, my other leg feels just fine.”
“So what?” says the doctor. “What difference does that make?”
“Well, it doesn’t hurt a bit, and it’s the same age!”
Working in an ophthalmology practice that specializes in LASIK surgery,
the doctor expected to comfort nervous patients. But prior to one operation, the patient was so nervous she was actually shaking.
Nothing the doctor said to her would comfort her so after the doctor finished on the first eye and before he began on the second he wanted her to know the surgery was going well.
There, he said, patting her hand reassuringly, “Now you only have one eye left.”
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
I am in shape; round is a shape.
Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
Stupidity got us into this mess; why can’t it get us out?
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just stand there.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually, you find a hair stylist you like.
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stopped laughing.