Lily
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).
We decided to grab a bit at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors – green,red,orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at her.
The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: “What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!
In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid … “Got stoned once and fucked a parrot. Just wondering if you were my daughter.”
A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, “Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard: “Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. “Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird ‘Moses?’”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler ‘Jesus.’