Lily
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”
The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say: “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed, each reading a book.
Suddenly the wife closes her book, looks over at her husband and asks a sensitive question.
Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Husband: What? Definitely not!
Wife: Why not? Don’t you like being married?
Husband: Well, of course, I do.
Wife: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
Husband: Okay, okay, I’d get married again.
Wife: You would? (with a hurt look)
Husband: (makes audible groan)
Wife: Would you live in our house?
Husband: Sure, it’s a great house.
Wife: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Husband: Where else would we sleep?
Wife: Would you let her drive my car?
Husband: Probably, it’s almost new.
Wife: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
Husband: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Wife: Would you give her my jewelry?
Husband: No, I’m sure she’d want her own.
Wife: Would you take her golfing with you?
Husband: Sure, golfing together is always fun.
Wife: Would she use my clubs?
Husband: Of course not, she’s left-handed.
Wife: — silence —
Husband: Sh*t.