Lily
Two women are chatting in an office.
Woman 1: “I had s*x last night, did you?”
Woman 2: “Yes.”
Woman 1: “Was it good?”
Woman 2: “No, it was a disaster… my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?”
Woman 1: “Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. We then had a long session of love making and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!”
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: “You wanted s*x last night, how was it?”
Husband 2: “Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had s*x with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?”
Husband 1: “It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn’t paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour – and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so aggravated that I couldn’t fall asleep after we had s*x and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!”
Mother had 3 virgin daughters who were all getting married in quick succession.
As the mother was concerned about their first experiences, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words about what transpired.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: ‘Nescafe’
The mother was puzzled at first… she went to her kitchen and found the Nescafe jar. It said: ‘Good till the last drop’.
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: ‘Rothmans’
The mother found her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the pack: ‘Extra Long. King Size’
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland, New Zealand. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words ‘Air New Zealand’
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.
The ad said: ‘Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.’