A man wants to give up smoking

A man tells his friend, “I went to my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking.”

“What did he say?”

“He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.”

“Did that do any good?”

“No I can’t get the chocolate to light.”

======================

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.

I’ve been trying to do that for years!”