Bean
A man goes to heaven and is greeted by an angel who shows him around the place
“Over there is a local restaurant, it’s guaranteed to have your favorite meal there,” said the angel
“And over there is a theater, and to the left, there’s a swimming pool”
The angel soon finishes the tour and finds that the man is overjoyed.
The angel had one more thing to say though, “going to the gym on a daily basis is mandatory”
The man, out of curiosity asks why
“How do you think we stay demon-free? We make sure everyone exorcises their demons”
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Is It Because I’m Blonde?
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”
“Very good,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde?” the girl said.
“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!”
“Very good,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.”
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!”
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
“Ah, yes, very good,” said her embarrassed mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”
“No dear, it’s because you’re 24.”
