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Just Helping.

A husband said to his wife, “Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight.”

His wife replied, “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!”

The husband said, “I know all that.”

“Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?” asked the wife.

The guy answered, “Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.”

Are you married?

The Bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.

So he announced: ” Ladies and Gentlemen, today is the luckiest day of my life.”

Then he raised his hands with what is his daughter gave him and said,

“My daughter has finally returned my Credit Card to me!!!” The whole audience burst into laughter.

Except the Groom.

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.

“Would you like a new mink coat?” he asks.

“Not really,” says Mary.

“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.

“No,” she responds.

“Would some beautiful new jewelry do the trick?” he asks, becoming slightly exasperated.

“Nah…” she shrugs.

“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he persists.

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Hidden Picture: Ten Commandments.

She again rejects his offer with a “No thanks.”

“Well what WOULD you like?” John asks.

“I want a divorce.” answers Mary.

“Sorry,” John sighed. “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”

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