Bean
A guy comes home from work and he is quite upset.
His wife looks worried and asks him what’s wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he’s just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
“Honey, what is it? I’ve never seen you like this before,” the wife says.
“It’s … nothing,” he says. “I can’t burden you with my problems. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Your problems?” the wife says. “We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?”
“Well,” he says, looking up at her glumly. “we got our secretary pregnant and now she’s suing us for support.”
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A Blonde Interview
A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics
“So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?” He asks.
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying “Ehh… 25!”
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?” The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot three!”
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics.
“And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?” The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying “Stephanie”.
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks “Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?”
“Oh that!” replies the blonde, “That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…”