Lily
So a gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens.
It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it.
So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.
Quickly, the new “gorilla” becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the “Human-like” gorilla.
About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions den next to him.
A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lions den. The man starts screaming “HELP!! HELP!!!”
Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear,
“Shut the fuck up right now or you’re going to get us both fired.”
This guy’s wife gets a cat and he hates it.
So one day, while his wife is gone to work, the guy puts the cat in the back seat of the car, drives a few blocks, and lets the cat out. When he gets home, the cat’s sitting there on the front porch.
So the next day, the guy waits until his wife leaves for work again, then throws the cat in the car, drives a mile away from the house, and tosses the cat out. When he gets home, the cat’s sitting there again on the front porch.
Well, the guy’s furious. So he waits until the next day, then throws the cat in the car, and drives as far and fast as he can, making all the turns and doubling back he can to throw off the cat. He dumps out the cat and heads home, but realizes he can’t figure out where he is.
So that afternoon, his wife comes home and answers the ringing phone. It’s her husband. He asks, “Is the cat there?”
She says, “Yes.”