Bean
The Genie and the 2 Wishes
A man goes for a leisurely stroll on the beach when he suddenly trips on something and falls.
Getting up, he notices he tripped on something metallic. He pulls it out and to his surprise, it’s an old lamp!
He starts to brush it, thinking it might bring a few coins at the market when suddenly a great rush of blue smoke comes pouring out of the lamp and becomes a 7 feet tall genie!
The genie thunders: “You have awakened me, Oh Master! You can ask two wishes of mine, and I will make them come true.”
After a moment of shock, the man settles to think.
“Only two?” he asks.
“I heard that it is usually THREE wishes!”
“Look in your pants.” said the genie.
The man looks inside his pants and gives a shriek. “My God, I’m… I’m ENORMOUS!”
“Not my first time.” Said the genie.
==========================
A blonde wanted to earn some money
A blonde wanted to earn some money
A blonde wanted to earn some money, she decided to become a handyman type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
“How about 50 dollars?” said the blonde.
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’ve finished already?” he asked.
“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached into his wallet for the 50 dollars.
“And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porsche; it’s a Ferrari!”