Bean
An elephant was drinking out of the river one day when he spotted a turtle lying fast asleep on a log.
The elephant walked over and kicked the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.
A passing giraffe who happened to see this happen asked the elephant, “Why did you do that?”
The elephant replied, “Because I recognized it as the same turtle that bit my trunk 38 years ago.”
The giraffe said, “Wow, what a memory you’ve got!”
“Yes,” said the elephant, proudly. “Turtle recall.”
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Two friends go skydiving.
Two friends go skydiving. This is the first solo jump for both of them. The plane lifts off and the instructor gives them their last instructions:
“When the light above the door turns green, you can jump.”
The first guy (who is a major stutterer) asks: “W-W-w-will the p-p-p-parach-ch-ute open o-o-on its o-o-o-own?”
The instructor says: “No sir, you have to pull the chord yourself. Just jump out, count to ten, and then pull the chord.”
The light turns green and the second guy jumps first. After ten seconds he opens his parachute and lands safely in an open field next to a river.
After a few minutes, he hears a loud splash and he looks over to the river. The first guy comes up and says:
“N-n-ine.”