A man and his wife attended a dinner party at the home of their friends.
Near the end of the meal, the wife reprimanded her husband.
“That’s the third time you’ve gone for dessert,” she scolded. “The hostess must think you’re selfish and an absolute pig.”
“I don’t think so,” he said. “I’ve been telling her it’s for you.”
I told my friend not to get too excited about turning 32, since her birthday party would be so short.
“Why would it be short?” she asked.
I said, “Because it’s your thirty-second birthday.”
Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Oh, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath,
“You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
A billionaire decides to throw a massive party on his 50th birthday.
During the party, he grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion there is a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.
“I will give anything to the person who swims across that pool,” he says.
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests run to the pool to see what has happened. A man is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping. This guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him. He reaches the end and gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!
The millionaire grabs the mic and says, “I am a man of my word. Anything of mine — my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything — for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, sir, what will it be?”
The guy grabs the mic and says, “Why don’t we start with the name of the idiot who pushed me in!”