Lily
An old man is sitting out on his deck one day
when he sees a young boy walking down the road with a roll of duct tape under his arm.
“Where are you going?” asks the old man.
“To catch some ducks” says the kid.
“You can’t catch ducks with duct tape” replies the old man.
“Ok” says the kid and carries on his way.
2 hours later up the road comes the kid with a load of ducks wrapped up in the tape.
Next day same old man see kid with a roll of chicken wire: “Where you off to today?”
Kid: “Going to catch some chickens.”
“You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.”
Kid: “Ok”
Sure as bears shit in the woods a few hours later here comes the kid lugging a load of chickens caught in the wire. Next day the old man sees the kid with some sort of plant.
“What you got today?”
Kid: “A bunch of pussy willows.”
“Hold on till I get my coat.”
A fisherman carrying a lobster bumped into a friend on the way home.
“Where are you going with the lobster under your arm?” asked his friend.
The fisherman answered, “I’m taking him home to dinner.”
Just then the lobster spoke up, “I’ve already had my dinner, can we go to a movie instead?”
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves.
They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother. ‘Well,’ said the first one, ‘I bought mom a huge house in Beverly Hills.’
‘I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her.’
‘I’ve beaten you both,’ said the third. ‘I bought her a miraculous parrot that can talk to her.’
A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons.
‘Gerald, the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, and I have to clean the entire house. Milton, the car is useless because I don’t go anywhere; I’m too old. But Robert, you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious.’