Lily
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, and the woman noticed he was quite the handsome man – he looked strong, kind and smart.
He examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal.
Wanting to find out the reason for the baby’s low weight, the doctor asked if the baby was breastfed or bottle-fed.
“Breastfed,” the woman replied.
“Well, strip down to your waist and we’ll have a look,” the doctor asked.
She did so.
After she had stripped, the doctor pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning for her to get dressed, he said, “No wonder this baby is underweight! You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his grandmother, but I’m glad I came.”
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.
“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!”
“Ah, that’s nothin’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you can’t even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked the 60-year-old.
“No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”
“Do you have trouble crapping?”
“No, I crap every morning at 6:30.”
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, “Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so tough about being 80?”