A bush-pilot drops Bob and Ted, two hunters, at a remote lake in Northern Ontario.
He tells them that he’ll be back in a week, and warns them that his plane won’t be able to take off with more than one moose.
The next week he returns, and sure enough, the hunters have bagged two moose. The pilot tells them there’s no way they can take off with the two moose.
Ted says, “I don’t know, the pilot last year took off with two moose.”
To which Bob adds, “Yeah, but maybe he wasn’t a total coward!”
Not wanting to be outdone, the pilot loads up everything and they start to move down the lake. The plane is gathering speed, but the pines on the shore are rapidly approaching. Finally, the plane gets airborne, but one wing clips the top of a tree. The plane spins, crashes into the trees, and breaks apart.
Sometime later Ted regains consciousness and begins searching for his buddy.
He finds him, and when he wakes him up Bob asks, “Do you have any idea where we are?”
Ted replies, “I think about 200 yards further than last year.”
This 89 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, “What did you steal?”
She replied, “A can of peaches.”
The judge asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.
Then the judge asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied 6.
The judge said, “Then I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked, the judge if he could say something on his wifes behalf.
The judge said, “What is it?”