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“What Would You Do If I Died?”

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed, each reading a book.

Suddenly the wife closes her book, looks over at her husband and asks a sensitive question.

Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

Husband: What? Definitely not!

Wife: Why not? Don’t you like being married?

Husband: Well, of course, I do.

Wife: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?

Husband: Okay, okay, I’d get married again.

Wife: You would? (with a hurt look)

Husband: (makes audible groan)

Wife: Would you live in our house?

Husband: Sure, it’s a great house.

Wife: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

Husband: Where else would we sleep?

Wife: Would you let her drive my car?

Husband: Probably, it’s almost new.

Wife: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

Husband: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Wife: Would you give her my jewelry?

Husband: No, I’m sure she’d want her own.

Wife: Would you take her golfing with you?

Husband: Sure, golfing together is always fun.

Wife: Would she use my clubs?

Husband: Of course not, she’s left-handed.

Wife: — silence —

Husband: Sh*t.

Have you ever ask the same question?

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H – Husband, W – Wife)

H – “Hello?”

W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

H – “Yes.”

W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

H – “What’s the price?”

W – “Only $1,000.”

H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”

W – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2019 models. I saw one I really liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

H – “What price did he quote you?”

W – “Only $1,65,000…”

H – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”

H – “What?”

W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”

H – “How much are they asking?”

W – “Only $14,50,000 — a magnificent price… and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $14,20,000. OK?”

W – “OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! You’re the best Husband in the world. I love you!!!”

H – “Bye… I love you too…”

The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap.

The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.

The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks: “Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to … ???”

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