“You can tell how a man will treat his wife by the way he treats his mother,” – this was a controversial and beguiling yardstick to judge a man. Even in this case, many men may be aware that much of their notions about women come from the first woman they ever interact with – their mothers.
This stratified and life-defining relationship develops over time. Children normalize the behaviors they see every day and are impacted by the conflicts they face and solve. In addition, mothers’ attachment styles and their nurtured behavior can hold life-long impacts on men. However, there are no clear black or white when it comes to behavior towards their mother and its impact on their dating.
Apart from that, no one wants a partner who enjoys abuse or is too damaged to maintain a romantic relationship. However, there are signs to predict the possible behavior of a man in a relationship, and these signs can be observed in the ways your love interest treats his mother.
If he grew up with a nurturing mother
Men who grew up with a mother who showed a lot of love, kindness, care, affection, and respect will learn to do the same things to their romantic partner. If your man is used to having a very close and loving relationship with his mother, it will be much easier for him to develop similar types of relationships romantically.
It will not be a stretch for him to be loving, to be attentive, to be affectionate and all that good stuff. For men who grew up with a strong and respectful woman, you are also respected. The only possible downside dating men who have developed a close tie with his mother is that he might have a slight tendency to be a mommy’s boy.
By mommy’s boy, we mean, someone who often can not say ‘no’ to his mother and/or someone who has to constantly ask for his mother’s opinion. If so, you must talk to him about it, but if he still respects you at the end of the day he still respects and values you as his partner then their relationship should not be a problem.
If he isn’t that close to his mother
Men who have grown up with mothers that haven’t shown much affection or communicated their love regularly will tend to grow up struggling to be open in romantic relationships. They will still have respect for women in general and be able to befriend them. However, whenever things get closer or a woman wants a commitment from them – they tend to be scared and create problems to end the problematic relationship.
These men were not used to receiving affection or love from their mother, therefore to receive it as well as give it to their partner is seen as new territories to them. If you are dating someone who is not so close to his mother, you may have a challenge if you want him to open up to you, become vulnerable and engage emotionally.
You may even have to prove your love to them because they may also lack self-esteem or self-worth, which can be difficult if you are looking for someone who already has self-confidence. It is not impossible to bring men who grew up in this way to learn love and receive love, it will only require a little more work from your end.
If he isn’t close at all and often does not like his mother
Men who grew up with mothers who did not show any form of love (or even abused them) will grow up with a lack of respect for women and will do everything in their power to hurt those who really want to be with them. They like these will develop the perception that all women are no good and are only a source of pain because he has learned it from his mother growing up.
Men like these are the ones who constantly lack respect for the women closest to them and even those that they do not know. In romantic relationships, they will what they can to hurt you, betray you and destroy your self-esteem as well as confidence. These are the type of men who you will end up having toxic relationships with. You may think that you love him because you see he has to be a great partner, however, in reality, you find yourself getting hurt over and over again because he simply does not know how to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
It is very difficult for them to learn to love because they themselves were deprived of love growing up. You can not give what you did not receive yourself after all, right? When you are with someone like that, you must understand that you can not be the one to ‘change’ him, as he must learn by himself to make peace with the past, his childhood and the mother that caused him so much pain growing up. You can not give him what his mother should give him, and that’s certainly not your role.
It is good to pay attention not only to the way your partner treats his mother, but also the relationship that they have together. If your partner is very respectful to her, speaks kindly of her and to her, helps her out with things, listens to her opinion and still able to do all of the same things to you, then you have yourself a definite keeper. However, if you notice your partner having an unhealthy relationship with his mother, talk badly of her and to her, shouts at her and disrespects her, be wary of him. If a man could dare to disrespect his own mother, then he certainly will not have any qualms disrespecting you.
It’s good not only to see how your partner treats his mother but also to see the relationship they have together. If your partner is very respectful to her, speaks kindly of her and to her, helps her out with things, listens to her opinion and still able to do all of the same things to you, then you have yourself a definite keeper. However, if you notice that your partner has an unhealthy relationship with his mother, talks badly of her and to her, screams at her and disrespects her, be careful with him. If a man could dare to disrespect his own mother, then he will certainly not have any qualms disrespecting you.
This post originally appeared on The bride story